enelrihs

-

2012-02-16T23:56:00.001+08:00

WHO doesn't want to LOOK good? most importantly, who doesn't want to FEEL THAT he/she look good?
i'm not sure about other girls, but for me, the reason why i'm so vain is because when it comes to stuffs like that, my confidence is an all time low!
i don't understand why sharul doesn't seems to get it, it's like he's forever thinking im indirectly fishing for compliments from him -.-
i'm not okay omggggggggggggggg. the reason why im pestering you for all those answers is because of my overwhelming insecurity HELLO UNCLE SHA. TSK.
but okay even though im really not fishing for compliments from him, i guess his attention is what i alwayssssssssss wanted.
stick to each other like glue ya!! even though 3/4 of the time hes around but that 1/4 is crucial enough!!
just like just now IM SORRY FOR BEING A CRYBABY.
I'VE CRIED FOR LIKE DK HOW MANY TIMES INFRONT OF YOU GOSHHHHHHHHHHH.
hehe but i still rove euu. euu still rove me donch euu!!

sometimes

2012-02-04T01:36:00.000+08:00

i really wished life can be just sweet and simple.
like waking up, meet shacleboo, hang out w his fam/@ his place, he acc me do my stuffs or i acc him do his stuffs then back to his place, leave his place @ 9.30, go home, sleep.
i wished i dont have the shitty private school problems, future problems, money problems, job problems, family problems.
I wished my life can be happy and just the way i want it to be, calming slow and simple.
but it's so hard.

FMY!

2012-02-02T18:33:00.002+08:00

AHHHHHH THE MOSTTTTTT EMBARRASSING THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME THIS YEAR TOOK PLACE DURING THIS HUMBLE MORNING!!!
like fuck sia seriously. XIAO SUAY SHEN FOLLOWED ME i guess!
its like i calculate the time to leave my house on time to take the 7.48 bus BUT i left later than that nvm!!
I WAS WALKING TO BUSSTOP THEN I FELL LIKE ONE COOL BALLERINA SPINNING IN THE AIR BEFORE LANDING GRACEFULLY ON THE GROUND! not.
i fell damn pathetically to be precise, exposing myself cus i wearing skirt, blocking the path ah cus i landed w one leg sticking out (the bleeding profusely one-.-) got one guy behind me i think he was so shocked and he looked like he wna help me but he never and i still went to apologise like FOR WHAT SHIRLENE TAN FOR WHAT!!! OMG.
the best thing is that i was wearing adrian's red hoodie, it further emphasize what a sight i was when i fell.right.infront.of.the.freaking.busstop!!!!!!!!!
then i got up and walked opp direction LMAO I IMMED CALLED SHARUL. hehehehehehe he laughed like one asshole!!!!! but seriously mad funny the scene, if i were to witness it i will LAMAO!!!!!!! but oh well,
im not the witness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously sometimes i wonder WHYYYY am i soooooooo clumsy.
from young to this tender age of 18plus, falling down had been sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo common tht im used to it. i fall from uneven steps, i 'gui' down, i fall ON FLAT GROUND, i fall into drain!!!!!!!!!!!
go overseas also cfm will! hk, indo, taiwan aiya dk ah. im damn accident prone!!!
hahahah so funny.
and i also wonder WHYYYYY am i so blur.
like seriously like one blur cock foreverandever sharul, sharul aunt, sharul sis, my parents, etc say so.
AND I ALSO WONDER why i love to ask WHY.
SO FUNNY HOW ITS MAKING EVERYBODY SO IRRITATED BUT I CANT STOP IT LEH AJJAJAJAHAHAHHAHA OHWELL BLAME ON MY OVERWHELMING CURIOUSITY!!!

OMG

2012-02-01T23:58:00.000+08:00

I PASSED MY BTT @ FIRST TRY.
hehehe had no confidence AT ALL. and shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacleboo didnt have confidence in me either cus i was like last minute hug buddha feet w him!!!
and i passed muahahahah.
wanted to act sad to him like i didnt pass when i walked out of the room but hehe failed!!
okay laaaa btt nia hahahah BUT THIS MOTIVATES ME!!!!!!!!!!1
I WILL TRY MY VERY BEST TO CHIONG AND GET LICENSE!!!!

WHEE.

2012-01-28T01:42:00.003+08:00

omg got a bgl downstairs my house wailing away sia so scary.

WHAT IF THEY COME TO MY CORRIDOR wah....

OKAY I THINK TOO FAR AND IMPOSSIBLE!!!

anywayyyyy been spending quite some time with shacleboooooooooo~

and im reaaaaaaaaaally happy. because i very touched by his actions!!!!

couple of days ago i even cried on the bus cus i was touched by one of his msg altho not touching at all HAHAHA.

but aiya, i guess cus he sounded toooooo sad cus of self sacrificing (supposedly ideals to impose on me)

and went to fetch his father @ airport ystd w syamiraaaaa.

was angry with him over certain things so i ignored him pretty much all the way from his house to the mrt station and i focused ALLLLLLLL my energy on syamira so i guess he FINALLY NOTICED AFTER AWHILE thou he quite ah dai.

hong hong hong hong hongggggggggg all the way to changi and finally i stopped ignoring but after awhile cus of stupid reasons i angwy again omg i like damn petty anyway he started his sayanging session once more then i okay.

idk la!! i just realised hes alwayssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss hong-ing me and giving in!!!!!!

and im taking him for granted... ><

gah. but im gna improve myself deh!

shacleboooooooooooooooooooooooooo, aku rindu kau!!!!!

sha sha ra ma ma ra ma sha sha sha ah

2012-01-27T00:55:00.000+08:00

nice songs intro!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2012-01-26T01:40:00.001+08:00

天王巨星

词曲：Steven Lim 编曲：Jenson Koh

Professionally Recorded by 32-Bit Recording Studio

MV导演：Steven Lim

你你你是我的天王巨星

我我我是你最大的粉丝

你你你是我的天王巨星

我我我来庆祝你的Party

无聊的心有一颗想飞腾的灵

想探一探谈一谈你的心情

转一转转一转你我的身体

把整个黑夜变光明！！

让我们一起来 One two One two three four

WooWooWooWooWoo WooWooWooWooWoo

WooWooWooWooWoo Neh Neh Neh Bu Bu

WooWooWooWooWoo WooWooWooWooWoo

WooWooWooWooWoo WooWooWooWooWoo …..

Steven跳舞 Steven跳舞

Go Steven Go, Go Steven Go, Go Steven Go Go Steven Go!.

你你你是我的天王巨星

我我我是你最大的粉丝

你你你是我的天王巨星

我我我来庆祝你的Party

无聊的心有一颗想飞腾的灵

想探一探谈一谈你的心情

转一转转一转你我的身体

把整个黑夜变光明！！

让我们一起来 One two One two three four

WooWooWooWooWoo WooWooWooWooWoo

WooWooWooWooWoo Neh Neh Neh Bu Bu

WooWooWooWooWoo WooWooWooWooWoo

让我们一起来

WooWooWooWooWoo WooWooWooWooWoo

WooWooWooWooWoo Neh Neh Neh Bu Bu

WooWooWooWooWoo WooWooWooWooWoo

it's all about the money money money~

2012-01-23T12:58:00.000+08:00

ALMOST.
now for just a really superficial and redundant rant of mine,
i sincerely hope that i can get a job like REALLYYYY soon.
because i need CHAAAAACHINGGGGG, SO THAT I CAN LOOK BAAAAAABLING.
k la and to return people money ANDDDDDD to settle the stupid kaplan's stuffs.
soooooo lemme see!!
priority is to return CT, SM , STEPH, KEE , MY DAD RTMK BAH.
dad and kee can wait HAHAHAHA.
THENNNN ongoing shopping.
and kaplan.
yeshhhhhhhhhhh. my plan for 2012!!!!!!!!
k end of useless post hehe BYE. <3
HAPPY DRAGON YEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

HEY SHARUL KAU ASSHOLE.

2012-01-11T23:28:00.002+08:00

aku rove you!!!

ehehehe.

2012-01-10T22:12:00.000+08:00

Now im gna be really naive. And im gna imagine many different stuffs, Impossible stuffs.

IF only... I didn't quit poly... I didn't skipped attachment despite knowing i may quit poly... I didn't skipped so many lessons in 2nd sem of yr 1... I study harder and get higher gpa so i get to switch to the course i like instead of quitting. If only time can rewind...

2012-01-09T21:19:00.001+08:00

i have no purpose in life at the moment.
i feel very sucky actually.
Where's my sense of urgency? Hope for the future? looking forward to the future?
i hate living a day by a day.
what am i so busy with i really dont know.
taking up temp jobs for couple of days, wasting rest of them away by doing... pretty mundane and redundant stuffs actually.
when can i wake up and get a decent job?
WHEN CAN I MAKE UP MY MIND AND SEE WHAT I WANT?
i honestly miss poly life super much.
it's the worst decision i ever made in my lifetime.
because im now stuck futureless.
time to wake up, you have been sleeping since june 2011 shirlene.

Now is abit too late.

2012-01-08T21:43:00.001+08:00

dont you think so?

GOODBYE 2011

2011-12-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

howzaye POWZAYE. lol i rmb that's how my keelee dear always greet me. gahh i missed her ahhhhhhhh im such a badddd tuition teacher but shes a bad student aswell HAHAHA but still..
i miss zile too!
GAH OKAY ANYWAY.
alot of people's gng '2011 is ending!!!' and started to reminisce about whatever happened etc etc. and imma do that too!! hehe.
welllllllllllllll, the worst thing that ever happened to me in 2011 is...
k not worst thing. WORST THINGS. i think they're countless!!
firstly school wise. i regretted skipping attachment. leads to disastrous consequences man. and now im in stupid kaplan waste of my time and zero motivation and now my future VERY BLUR gongheishirlenetan. ^^
secondly relationship~~~ k. very shitty year ah i think i offend cupid. now my mindset all change! now is just relax and shun qi zi rang mannnn~
thirdly friends~ I LOST QUITE A NUMBER DAMN SAD. like my poly babies.. and alot la. I REALLY HOPE HOPE HOPE that im able to keep certain people close to my heart as usual!!!
fourthly MONEY AH. stupiad. broke like 1/2 of the time. SPENDTHRIFT! SHIRLENE TAN WAKE UP! like one of my new year resolution is to save and spend wisely. gah i hope i really can! like seriously.. ):
and best thing ah.....
honestly speaking i cant really think of any..
but a couple of close to best thing could be.. contacting back w FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFu and like, finally, the stone inside me, the stupid thing that's been weighing my heart down for THREE YEARSSSSSSSSSS is like slowly being lifted up liaoz. hmm im not sure if it's entirely up yet but well, at least im on my way to really fang shou i think!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and like, im kinda happy i got to know shaclebooooo actually cus.. IT'S A GRAVE SECRET THAT ONLY HE KNOWS. ^-^
im gna start thinking of my new year resolutions!!!!!!!
oh well... Hope it works :)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

!

2011-12-26T02:35:00.000+08:00

qt syamira!!!

even QT SYAMIRA!!!

tumblarrrrrrrrrrrh

2011-12-24T15:33:00.001+08:00

flames to dust, lovers to friends

2011-12-23T00:12:00.003+08:00

Friends to strangers?
One of my new year resolutions will be to keep friendships that i brought forward from 2011 to 2012, and move them to another new year.
It's like, the older i gets, the more I want to do my best to cherish each and every single friends around me and the more I hope I can last long with them.
It's not impossible looking at me and angie, we lasted like frm pri sch till now and i believe our friendship will still continue!
But sometimes... Some people are just not meant to stay in our lives, i guess.
I started this year with certain people in my life and I know that I will end this year with them out of my life.
Think wouldnt even just for this year, but for like, forever.
It's sad ah...
I feel that losing a close and good friend is kinda even more sad than losing a bf/gf.
May sound slightly off but personally i feel that, true friendships are hard to come by.
And close friends are the ones who will be there and whom you can actually turn to when you are desperately in need for some emotional support.
then you may say, that is also the role of bf/gf what!
well trueeeeeee, but then, if say you were just in a quarrel with him/her, and you are feeling so lost and sad who you gna turn to?definitely not your bf/gf but your best friend! Who will always be there.(well uh, most of the time actually to be more realistic hehe)
Friendship may takes time to build, but it WILL stay on for a long time.
And that is why, i really love all of my friends. And im really afraid of losing any of them now. the close ones ah.
somewhere this year, i met this person, whom i really found myself opening up to in the past few months..
I honestly thought that, we could like be bff ah. Cause he kinda knew allllll the shit i went through and.. idk eh. I find myself turning to him like almost all the time and he knew pretty much most of what i am going through.
But we took a wrong step, and now...
we are like strangers.
This really saddens me.. because we cant seem to communicate the way we used to and we are like, looking at each other in a different light now.
Because of that wrong step, we became from close friends who talked everyday to people who talked like 1/4 of what used to be. and that is what gets to me THE MOST.
'What hurts the most, was being so close. And having so much to say and watching you walk away'

I miss what we had, and i miss you.

^^

2011-12-22T02:58:00.000+08:00

i think you will always, always be the one who can make me stay up till the wee wee hours just to chat with you, willingly.
even though its more of an one sided thing... im still happy that at least im on your mind now.
hehe goodnight fb.

Malay and Chinese LOOKSSSSSSS

2011-12-21T23:59:00.005+08:00

I REALISED.

that shacleboo, his sis, his dad, his bro, EVEN his SIS'S BF all have double eyelids.

ALL EYES ARE NOT SMALL CUS DUH DOUBLE EYELIDS.

didnt notice much abt eyelashes BUT SHA AND HIS SIS'S EYELASHES LONG PE!

like seriously???

why malays are blessed with such features like big and pretty eyes!!!!

i personally feel that eyes are like the MOST IMPORTANT part of our faces and like, i kinda only want to go for guys with big eyes as yeah, that's like one of what will attract me just like how some people go for smiles and all.

im kinda glad that im born with k some say, features that make me looked mixed, malay, etc etc.

which means to sayyyyyyyy i get to be proud of my eyes BUTTTTTTTT my stupid right eye's double eyelid is kinda hidden SO I HAVE TO USE THE TAPE GAHHHHHHHH!

which explains why I'M MAKING SUCH A BIG DEAL OUT OF SHARULHAKIM AND HIS WHOLE FAMILY cus im just jealous thats all ):

well anywayyyyyyyyyy my definition of pretty eyes are of couse big with double eyelids and also, i loveeeee smiley eyes! like eyes that'll be like ^^ when the person smiles or so.

hehe too cute too cute!

well also people, (mostly self obsessed chinese who thinks the world of themselves and their looks) always ask why i go for malays.

NEH THIS IS THE REASON WHY AH. hahahhahah. honestly speaking.....

kinda hard to find chinese with such stand out features like malays or indians but i prefer malays more.

BUT YEAH I STILL LOVE MY RACEEEEEEEEEEE even though malays are cuter looking hehehe.

KKKKKKKKK ENOUGH OF MY BULLCRAP BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nice!!!!!!!!!11

2011-12-18T22:35:00.000+08:00

~~说声很有感觉简单~~ 承认真实相处的感觉很难

WOOHOOHOO

2011-12-18T15:13:00.001+08:00

IM BACK FROM chaletttttttttttttttt, it was quite fun!!
the two kiddies were too cute! kinda enjoyed it yay!

ass of my life.

my qt syawanininiiii

bunch of disgusting people

the most disgusting dog out of all.

wna act merry xmas. :P

last but not least, my qt syamira!!!!!!!

oh yeah went to the pet farm @ pasir ris ystd and THE DOGGIES AND KITTIES WERE TOO CUTEEEEEE. my god i was like soooooooooooooooo overwhelmed. i even went to stroke the golden retriever when shaboi and shacleboo was stroking it. the toy poodle is too cute ): ): ):

i want!

first timeeeeee

2011-12-14T00:22:00.001+08:00

i kinda like the feeling of nuaing in shacleboo's place!!!
hehehe. the kids really damn cuteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee it's like they can't wait for the chalet they want to wake up @ 5.55 on thurs LOL!!!
YAY i also can't wait gna play sandcastles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL.

Forget it

2011-12-13T08:29:00.001+08:00

过去可能就因为它是过去的关系就回不来吧.

Reminisce #1 TWINNING gibberish

2011-12-09T13:44:00.001+08:00

Okayyyy so i was reading the twinning book. Although it isn't our versionnnn,
i kinda miss the hk twinning alooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot? A LOT.
lol lame ah since it's like 3 years ago but thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn,
i miss those times spend with my friends. abit hard to get those times back now since only steph and yj's left in my life.
it's sooo fun HAHAHAH i still miss shannon.
I MISS HCL CLASS TOO WHEN LG AND SHANNON WILL DO ALL THE WEIRD STUFFS LOL.
shannon is sooooooooooooooooooo my type of humor and guy. BUT TOO BAD LA IM JUST SAYING NO MEANING INTENDED!
bye. hehehehe

WHY

2011-12-07T13:20:00.001+08:00

WHY NO MORE WALKING DEAD UNTIL NEXT YEAR FEB.

WHY.

WHY NO MORE GLEE ON FUNSHION.

WHY.

okay ah im just being... geekish.

buaiz.

life #?

2011-12-02T01:26:00.002+08:00

it kinda sucks...

to live life day after day basically doing nth much.

yes im so busy until idk how to tidy up my schedule butttttttttttttttttt,

idk. I just feel very empty.

2011-11-29T12:36:00.003+08:00

my ass still hurtssssssssssss.

from sitting @ the edge of the idk what you call tht of the caravan bike for tooooooo long.

cus legs too short la cant pedal comfortably!! tsk adjad9hh28ehuwd

BUT KINDA FUN EHHHHHHH THE CARAVAN BIKE THING CUS CAN STEER AROUND ONE LIKE CAR BUT I SUPERRRRRRR FAIL.

its like i will focus on shacleboo then talk talk then he will say, calmly somemore, 'look where you are gng.' THEN I REALISED that im gng into the bushes LOL.

then cus when he controlling he super action so when i took over i also wna action like him like steer around all BUT fail. always zig zagging.

kinda fun la really!

ACTUALLY

2011-11-25T19:59:00.002+08:00

i love all of my friends.

to me quantity beats quality hands down ANYTIME.

i love you for who you are you knowwww.

but i dont understand why you.. always do things that you say you will never do.

then why say wont in the first place? Ironic ah no meh.

and like, i may appear meek now but im definitely not, im super hot headed so to step over my line is VERY EASY but like, if i tolerate you then means I really very zhong shi ni then just stop pushing my limits can?

stop being so.. fake can?

liu li yang #2

2011-11-21T12:33:00.001+08:00

THISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS ORHKAI? Okay. ^^

KEE LI YANG

2011-11-20T18:05:00.000+08:00

i want to watch. LOL. hot that guy so hot omg hot hot hot very hot shuai ge #0

boomchikewawa

2011-11-20T15:33:00.003+08:00

it's been 10 thousand years since i've blogged.

I MISSED YOU SO MUCH MY DEAREST ENELRIHS.

even though you are very much hidden to a lot of people, but you are always there for me to release my pent up thoughts and emotions and that's awesome already wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

ANYWAY, been on a job searching rampage nowadays!

im honestly pathetically broke. BUT I REFUSE TO BOW DOWN TO POVERTY BECAUSE I HAVE SO MANY VANITY NEEDS TO BE FUFILLED PLUS UHM, SOME MISCELLANEOUS STUFFS.

HAHAHA. okay i must, MUST get a job soon.

first thing first, i must ensure constant progress self image improving journey which I've already started! YEAH must persist!!!

thennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn at the same time, I MUST START TO STUDY. SORT OUT fees that i owed, chiong for the re re re shit.

THEN THEN START TO STUDY FOR BTT ALSO BECAUSE A COUPLE OF WEEKS MORE IM GNA TAKE BTT AND THEN IF I PASS IM GNA GO ON TO PRACT WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE NERVOUS PE!?!??!

THENNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN MAYBE IF I HAVE TIME, I WNA GO TAKE ASTROLOGY CLASSES! and either guitar or violin!

hehehehe. JIAYOU STYP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 ^^

PISCES IS KICKING IN ALRD TSK. daydreaming muchhhhhh but its okay deh!

this feeling is horribly amazing

2011-11-03T01:14:00.002+08:00

argh. i dont know how to... feel actually.

i want you to not stop, in fact, i CRAVE for any form of attention from you even if it's simply one word.

but on the other hand, i hate feeling like.. like my brain is about to burst due to those overwhelming unwanted emotional thoughts, when you never bother to continue from what you've left, or when you never bother to remember that thanks to you, i'm still on the roller coaster ride to.. i dont know where.

it's like, okay any thing from you, i will feel like i'm going up, the joy excitement whatever is building up in me!

and when you stopped, my 'ride' will also stopped. I will hang in the fucking mid air with nowhere to go, because i will crash to the bottom either way.

I dont want to crash to the bottom because I want my ride to LAST! I guess that's the reason why I still choose to stay there even though it's pointless. and slowly as time passes, i HAVE to move on because i know that staying on a faulty roller coaster will not bring any joy to me anymore. and when i was really about to move to the exit, WOW YOU AGAIN. I start to go up allllllll theeeeee wayyyyyyy again! feeling happy as fuck and thennnn the vicious cycle repeats.

omg, i cant say that i hate this because i dont hate that happy feeling, at all.

All i want to see is whether i can enjoy the whole ride in one whole complete round and end it with a smile, OR crash to the bottom due to some fucked up errors and end everything with a.. idk, bad ending i guess?

bbdc hunk + failed evaluation

2011-10-28T01:42:00.003+08:00

wahhhhhhh cant forget how qqqqqqqqqqqqqqt the tattoo guy was when he looked at me with his puppy eyes HAHAH when like turning around and saying whatever after his evaluation.

bbdc ah bbdc~ if can see them again, means super qiao right lim hong yi!

since you always see your fwen thr, HOPE SO QIAO LOH! hehehehe.

i really salute myself for treating evaluation as peanuts. to the extend that i ignore practise hahahaha.

I WNA PASS EVALUATION SOOOOOON SO THAT I CAN BTT!!!!!!!!!!! wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

It fucking pisses me off

2011-10-26T16:21:00.002+08:00

when people assume that 'just because somebody happen to know that the plan is cancelled', I will know it as well, eventually.

But do you fucking know that, idk a single shit? and he have to come after me because i'm to contact you, so when you went 'missing', the person he fucking bother is ME!

okay ignoring that,

i really hate last minute shit.

because when you tell me something last minute, you only give me the time to accept whatever fucking decision you made, something like 'just so you know, he's joining us' or 'just so you know, the plan is cancelled.'

yeah so you inform me when everything is done.

hmm, i'm glad that at the very last moment you did realised i was part of the thing huh? and that i totally dont deserve any chance to know anything before decisions are made huh?

well, THANKS.

HAPPY.

2011-10-25T01:08:00.000+08:00

YESYES SHACLE?!
go back to the initial stage oki!

reflections

2011-10-23T17:06:00.002+08:00

i was watching Only You's last ep just now, and omg. I'M.SO.OVERWHELMED.BY.THE.UNEXPECTED.ENDING.OMG.OMG.OMG.OMG.

the meaning that that scene is trying to express really hits me like BOOM!

i'm not gna be a spoiler so GO WATCH IT ANYBODY. it's kinda nice, especially the last part!

ALTHOUGHHHHHHHH every single day that same message will start ringing in my mind.

like as usual those 'Life is unpredictable, cherish people around you before it's too late, life is short, live everyday like its your last day, dont make room for regrets BLAH BLAH BLAH'

yessssssss. i know that. i understand what all those phrases mean, or what those dramas or books or whatever are trying to tell us by putting in some tragic unexpected scenes to make us reflect on ourselves and what we did and what we haven't do and what we must do.

i'm FULLY AWARE that i could die ANYTIME, later maybe? tomorrow? next week? next month? and that anybody else in the world my family my friends are like me, all of us could die anytime.

and i'm sure all of us know that we shouldn't take our lives and the people around us for granted, to cherish every moment we have and do whatever we can so that if anything happen, we won't regret cause we have already done what we are supposed to do, what we wanted to do.

but honestly speaking, even though i'm kinda positive and i will want to uphold whatever those messages are trying to tell me and to cherish everybody around me and not take everyone and everything for granted, I can't do it.

It's in our nature, that we tend to take things for granted. Even if we are aware we may die anytime and we try to cherish everything, but the fact is, all of us(even those who often feel sad depressed or pessimistic) is optimistic enough to think that nothing will happen tomorrow, and that everything will be as per normal after they wake up from their sleep.

I feel that way too, it's like at nights when my thoughts start to go haywire, when i'm lying on bed i will tell myself to treat my parents nicer, dont disrespect them, start to take my studies seriously, treat everybody nicer and not be so unreasonable, tell my friends i love them and i will fall asleep thinking that i may die tomorrow and being panicky and all.

I will then wake up as per normal, and ended up doing whatever i told myself not to do, being rude, being hot headed and failing to study hard and to treat my parents nicer, as usual.

I guess it's because I'm being very optimistic as usual, thinking that there will still be another tomorrow for me to fulfil whatever I need to do.

where did all those selfless thoughts go to??

Ironic much right, people's thinking.

LMAO OI YJ LOOKIE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-10-21T16:03:00.002+08:00

one of the post from HI IDOL

words by me and peirong HAHAHAHA.

America has American Idol, the singing competition that has groomed many talents such as Kelly Clarkson, Ruben Studdard and Fantasia, whose stars have all risen to astounding heights.

Singapore has Singapore Idol, which has also uncovered talents such as Taufik Batisah and Hady Mirza.

And now, Holy Innocents' High School too has one - HI Idol - for pupils with great singing talent. Being new and fresh to everyone in school, HI Idol, has caused quite a stir. Everyone has an opinion of this competition, be it bad or good. For this entry, we obtained the opinions of several students and teachers.

Ms Chong Yong Shing was all thumbs-up when asked about how she feels about HI Idol:

"I am very excited. I want to hear for myself the singing talents of HI students. I think that the winner of HI Idol will probably be an Upper Secondary boy... But I will definitely support the girls!"

And Ms Jill Lee was ecstatic when interviewed:

"I can't wait for the auditions to begin! I'm really pleased with the amount of money the sponsors has actually pumped in us so far. Upper Secondary students definitely stand a higher chance of winning it...because they're older and probably have more singing experience."

Mrs Chang Poh Joo was more than happy to accept our interview:

"HI Idol sounds fun and interesting! I think an Upper Secondary student will win it. The singer's maturity will be a big factor."

While teachers had only positive things to say about HI Idol, some students begged to differ and offered somewhat negative but constructive comments.

Huang Tai Yang of 2 Humility was excited about the launch of HI Idol! But she wasn't too happy with one thing:

"I want to be able to watch every stage of HI Idol LIVE, instead of just the Grand Finals. In this way, some students who are not interested in HI Idol at first will soon begin to look forward to the next stage. And I think an Upper Secondary boy will win the competition. If not, a Lower Secondary girl."

Ng Yu Jun, who is also from 2 Humility, only had this to say about the future winner of HI Idol.
"I think an Upper Secondary girl will definitely win it!"

Derrick Lim from 1 Integrity seemed confused:

"I don't know... I think HI Idol is good and bad in different ways. An Upper Secondary student will win it? I don't know!"

Although people have different opinions when it comes to HI Idol, we know that in time to come, many of them will enjoy and love it! (:

WHY AM I SO OBSESSED WITH...

2011-10-21T00:39:00.002+08:00

還珠格格?!?!
THE OLD AND THE NEW.
i'm very very very touched with certain relationships between the characters!!
like, the rs between rong muo muo and the empress!!!
and the huang ah ma and xiao yan zi!!!
and zi wei and er kang!! the new one.
even though the old series is less showy compared to the new series,
The old erkang super dramatic man!!!
really make me LMAO every single time i see his cocked up :O look.

HAHAHAHAH. made my night! bye!

!141elcahs

2011-10-18T21:20:00.001+08:00

that girl.

2011-10-12T11:52:00.000+08:00

2011-10-11T00:25:00.002+08:00

the whole day was just... shitty.

i miss you.

i dont want you to become a stranger again!

is it possible?

i really don't know because everything is your choice.

there's nothing i can do and say... at all.

-

2011-10-10T00:52:00.002+08:00

let's pretend that there're just the two of us tonight okay?

i'll go back to the girl who needs you more than anything in the world,

you'll go back to the boy who wants me in your future just as bad.

let's pretend that nothing ever change from last time, at least for these couple of hours.

is it okay?

because i need you now.

matters of my heart vent #n

2011-10-08T16:21:00.002+08:00

I'm not attached at all but i'm feeling all kinds of relationship shits. Frankly speaking, there're three guys in my heart now. Nah i'm not trying to say that i have a hard time picking one out of three or that i love each of them blahblahblah. I'm overthinking because of these 3 guys, so many unnecessary troubles in my head.

-You1 came back into my life after 3 long years. You are a changed man now, and not the guy I used to be madly in love with. I feel that you're like a stranger, but yet I know I can't possibly treat you as one because I still care for you and we did have something back then. And it's kinda shocking that you're saying all those stuffs about how much you missed me and how much we missed out tgth and could have been doing. I dont deny i do feel happy cus afterall I've been hoping you can say all that for so long but it's like, weird. because we are different now. we both changed, and i dont know a shit about you except for that YOU in my memory, my diary. and that is gone. And right now you could be making use of my feelings for you (it was stupid of me to say all that but i didn't regret,still) or you could be really missing me. I think i'm still afraid that you may leave just like that like what you did the past few times so I maintained this distance between us. I must be nonchalant about all that's happening. I can't be that open with you anymore, at least not now. Idk how long it will take for you to break the walls down that were initially up cus of you or you will take off again just like that.

-You2, the only person I can be so comfortable with. to the extent that you saw me without make up. I guess you are the only bf that i have that can scold me with all the mean stuffs and i dont feel offended but will scold back. I may feel very annoyed when you keep nagging and tell me all your da dao li, or try to be very da nan ren-ish but, thank you! You inspire me in alot of ways, i did grow up because of you. really, i learnt to take the unsafe study path that i want, i want to take driving license, i can't really rmb but yeah. i was really happy when i'm with you. i didn't regret fighting for our relationship at all. i will never forget what you did for me and everything you said, because i know you mean everything from the bottom of your heart. I know that when you say you really love me, you really do. and when you say your feelings faded, yeah.. you really feel so. Even though the whole relationship was tiring us out because we were fighting most of the times and alot of personality differences, and it was like a jie tou for us.. i miss you still now. I don't want us to be so hostile to each other, i wished we still can be friends like what we agreed on. because i think no other guy can ever make me feel that way i feel towards you.

and then there's You3. I'm aware of how much you care, and all the things that you want to do but it's just... idk. it's kinda like a pull and push situation between us now, my perception of you and us change every passing day. Sometimes you are like fucking ridiculous and i hate it so much when you think the world of yourself, but i know you really care. idk eh, i feel that your friends dont really have that good an impression of me cus im not really treating you as well as you're treating me and i feel bad because i know it's true. I know you're insecure and that there's only one solution now but im still not that ready for it eh. idk ah!!!

COMPLICATED MUCH!

VENT TO SELF #1

2011-10-08T15:25:00.003+08:00

Stress.

1)Like school. A new module has started, and i didnt attend a single class just cause i was too obsessed with having fun. I haven't paid for my econs, I haven't done any of my admin management assignment and i cfm fail, I'm even so lazy to the extent that I can't be bothered to sign the whatever form for the supp paper. Plus the latest exam I did crap. I KNOW. I had the time to study, BUT I DIDN'T. so its like if tyco, I can get a PASS. if expected, i will fail miserably. and pay 160+ for the supp paper. plus econs 160+ plus admin 160+. My parents will have to pay 400plus 500 JUST CAUSE IM TOO LAZY. IM TOO CAUGHT UP IN MY OWN WORLD. IM TOO BUSY HAVING FUN TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT MY STUDIES. IM NOT PUTTING IN ANY EFFORT. they have to fork out that amount, so that i can PASS my dip. Pathetic much i feel, i seriously think that I can't go on like this anymore. But it's like i'm always saying this and yet i always NATO. Say even if i buck up from this module, and do really well subsequently, i'll probably end up with like 3 good grades. out of 8. WHERE THE FUCK CAN I GO AFTER THIS? SIM? out of the question. and it's very ironic, cause I want to go there to study. Yet I throw away half of my chance already. Good job shirlene tan, what used to be clear cut is filled with unnecessary obstacles thanks to your fucked up attitude. And yeah, it's fucking time I get a job.

2) Friends. People come and go. they say they treat me as good friends all, but it's like, i'm sick of pulling them close to me. why can't people just pull me close to them for once? It's kinda ironic, that how my close friends, people whom I cared for fucking deeply from the bottom of my heart can 'forget' me or come to me only when they remember or come to me only when I took initiative whereas my normal friends, people whom I still care for but obviously not as close, can pull me close everytime because they actually want to put in effort to keep the friendship going. I'm not saying we must meet each other 24/7, because it's understandable we have our own lives. But the feeling that some people is giving to me now is like, if i don't bother to keep in contact, we are out of each others' lives. period. WHY? Isn't this supposed to be a let'sputinefforttgthtolastlong friendship thing? Why did it became ihavetoaskyououteverytimebeforeyouevenrememberiwasyourgoodfriend? Yeah. i can literally do anything for you, as long as everything is within my means. If you're broke, i can give you money. If you're sad, I can rush to you immediately if it's before my curfew, pangseh whoever i'm with blahblahblah. If you need someone i can be there for you anytime!! Apparently this isn't enough, it's saddening.

fucked up life. tired of feeling so OHIMSOHAPPYANDPOSITIVEANDCHEERFUL all the time, and always smiling, always hyper, always cheeky, always joking, always playful, always shouting, always seeing the fucking good things in life only. Just because people have this mental image of me, I must maintain this image ALL THE TIME. even if i'm sad, i have to pretend i'm okay because i don't want to affect person a's mood or make person b worry. i may be lazy @ studies, not that serious all time, don't want to plan for future, but i can say i'm a good person. Too good a person that nobody even fucking bother to care about. Yeah and if one day i'm gone? Or say even tomorrow.

like gone from the world? will you even think back and realised how you failed to cherish me? If you will, that's good to hear but unfortunately everything will be too late by then.

BATOK 141!

2011-10-07T01:46:00.004+08:00

as usual, lepak with sharul hakim and his 141 crew members.
but surprisingly this time i dont feel that UIHAUISHDUIASD like the past few times cus MAYBE this time i met RAJ! nice chap! too bad he's young.
ANYWAYYYYYYYYY, some amazing picts coming up.

PWETTY #1

PWETTY #2

HANDSUMLOH #1

HANDSUMLOH #2

HANDSUMLOH #3

PWETTY #3

COCKEDUPHANDSUM #4!

gotta sleep batok early in the morn to meet 141 LEADER AH HUAT AH!

2011-10-04T17:45:00.003+08:00

OMG WHYYY must you attempt to rake up the past seh???

now we are normal friends, just let things stay this way at least for some time now.

let's just be friends and pretend that we're only friends for a couple of days instead of like, had some kind of history.

because yeah. You are different now, i'm different too. So we should understand each other in such light now!

Okay!? yeah okay.

overwhelmed

2011-10-03T13:28:00.002+08:00

You were everything to me. Until you uhm, left.

and now you're back. and it's not just a hi bye thing.

it's.. wow. somewhat miracleish if you think about it.

now we text from the moment we wake up to the moment we fall asleep.

and you're saying stuffs that i would.. omg. that i totally hoped that you will say to me.

and you're asking ME to open up to YOU? like omg???

thoroughly overwhelmed boy!

shaclecleclecle

2011-10-03T01:50:00.001+08:00

RINDU YOU GOONDOO SAMI.

sian la if you never say 'I SWEAR I QUIT GAMBLING', we could have been richer by 80plusplus.

but oh well. its good too. hehehe. gambling IS bad.

2011-09-29T17:41:00.002+08:00

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

HAHAHAHAHA IF XIAOFENG SEES THIS SHE CFM LOVL!

BECAUSE I WAS LIKE 5050 LOR THEN I GIVE THE COCKED UP LOOK LMAO WHY I GO GIVE THAT JIAOBIN LOL WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY MUST ACT COOL.

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THEN I WENT OUT OF CONTROL WHEN I RECEIVED THE TEXT LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FF. HONESTLY FF.

I REALLY GOONDOO AH.

SHIRLENE TAKE A CHILL PILL YA.

GAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

Hyperventilate

2011-09-29T01:47:00.001+08:00

Real stupidity is when you know certain things are pointless, yet you still insist on doing it. And when you have to think of solutions, no guts to face it. Ugh

Thoughts

2011-09-28T02:28:00.001+08:00

When i was in nursing, i didnt despise it. In fact, im kinda thankful when i ended up in nursinf because i learnt many things and made some awesome friends, true friends. Those things that nursing taught me were far more than just some medical knowledge, nursing taught me that life is precious. Because its unpredictable. Somebody can be smiling happily at you this moment and the next moment she could end up being hooked onto the oxygen mask. Or somebody could be on the road of recovery and even ready to be discharged but an unexpected fall could take away her life just like this. Its like, idk. Sad...
Nursing also taught me how to care for a total stranger from the bottom of heart, how simple thanks from them can bring a smile and heartwarming feeling to me anytime.
It's a wonderful and selfless job!!!
Too bad My empathy skills arent enough to suffice ):

JUST FOR LAUGHS

2011-09-23T18:22:00.002+08:00

2011-09-23T18:01:00.002+08:00

ONE DIRECTION

THE WANTED

OMG MAN. I WANT TO CONT FURTHER STUDIES IN UK. LMAO. totally overwhelmed.

Last time i'm gna EMOOO about you!

2011-09-20T19:54:00.002+08:00

What I felt wasn't a temporary crush. Or weak feelings that fade over a couple of months.

What I feel for you is deep, i cant seem to think of any words to describe.

But all i know is, from the day we knew each other, to the day we became friends and went out, to the day our friendship turn into flirtationship, to the day I promised to just stay as your friend but by your side, to the day you couldnt take it anymore and 'left' me, I knew my feelings were far beyond those normal type of feelings! I just can't explain. But it's freaking strong.

Even after you left my life, at times when it rained, i thought of you.

When i went to bedok inter/lib area, i thought of you.

When I took 66 or 21 and passed by your hse, i thought of you.

When i went to vivo, i thought of you.

When the 92 batch was collecting their olevel cert and we were made to witness it, i thought of you.

When i went to rp, i thought of you.

when i went to toys'r'us, i thought of you.

Every single shit that's linked to you will remind me of you.

Honestly, you are the one that caused the GREATEST impact on me, on my heart, on my life.

because of you, i stopped clinging onto people.

because of you, i stopped giving people my 100% trust.

because of you, i adopt a bo chup attitude in rs.

because of you, i know i changed.

Do you have any idea, during these 3 years, every single time i received any msg from you, even a short msg from you, i will feel freaking happy. like, happier than anytime

then its like, when you stopped after like a couple, my mood just, idk. its like once again, i have to tidy up my feelings again.

then it's like im constantly tidying, emptying out, tidying up, and the cycle repeats man.

despite all the diff rs i had during this period, im still like dng the same because you still live in my heart-.-

until i met yl. hes diff from the others ah i know, and i finally thought i can let go of you. its like really, for that period when we are tgth, you really left my thoughts all!

but we didnt last... you didnt came back into my thoughts still.

but like 2 days ago, you came back into my LIFE.

i was like. what? omg?

but i feel that you are gna leave my life again.

yes this sucks so much. No matter how much i want you to stay, chances are, you wont!

So yeah. Shirlene Tan! DONT THINK ANYMOREEEEEEEEEEE.

it's expected deh. it's OKAY deh!

Problems

2011-09-20T04:10:00.001+08:00

I feel that my taking everything for granted attitude is the one thats causing me to like get all the problems. Sch, money, relationships.
Rs gets to me the most and it isnt that hard to tell actually. Its like, i realised, for the past 3 years i've been living in a dream, all the guys i dated or the feeling that i thought i was ready to let go of him were all unreal. Yet ironically, thats my reality. Joke huh, i must learn to finally let go 3 years later thn the time i was supposed to.
Idk whether he will ever leave my heart, but i knw.. Despite fate, that link will nvr happen for me and him. Yeah.
And, worried whn i see YJ liddat. Dun worry k. I will always be here for you.
I will dang ni de kao shan!! Somehow. Hehe

2011-09-19T00:19:00.002+08:00

Obviously, I will rmb you right?

and i bet you will be amazed, i still rmb your birthday, your email.

I still keep your chat conve, i still keep the private blog, i still stalk your profile at times, even recently.

I rmb 75% of everything. And wow, 3 years already eh.

hmm. idk ah. been like 2 years plus since we spoke to each other ler righttt.

and.. yeah. I can only say, knowing you was PURE fate. you adding me thr? Probably. idk.

I know it will probably take me awhile to stop thinking abt it again and i know a small part of me, which is probably the me from last time still hope you will reply and keep in touch.

but like always, i feel and know that we wont have link de.

not in the past, not now, and not in the future.

yeah. Goodnight.

Day3

2011-09-18T03:49:00.001+08:00

放手很难.
但是放完后要再一次 pick myself up and move on更难.

I can only say

2011-09-15T03:26:00.001+08:00

放手不代表没有爱。
但是继续拖下去也看不到结果。
所以，一切随缘吧。

Near + Far goal!

2011-09-11T09:52:00.001+08:00

Met up with my bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb and went to bbdc to attempt to register for my btt before work. When i went thr its like idk man i suddenly feel mad inferior and when we were waiting for free shuttle bus to gombak, i was looking @ those people learning and i was like.. Scared.
I feel that im a bitbit too babyish for this ); but!!!! I still must get my license soon!! Its what i've been hoping for since like thousands of months ago!!!! JY SHIRLENE LOL SOUNDS LIKE NGAYEE.
and and and!!! Dani told me hes getting a new car!!!! But its a msia car i think but he told me its like an asian version of mini i was like wAh cool!!!
I hope i hope, i can get myself a car when im 21. Hehe. And will be a swift! I already picked out my ideal shade of pink and i got rough idea of how to decorate inside lol!!!
If i really get it right... I think i gna be a very happy girl. And my car will be my no. 1 baby!!! Lol

愛太空

2011-09-07T14:50:00.000+08:00

Real feelings don't vanish easily.

2011-09-07T14:05:00.002+08:00

I used to regard him as my world, my everything.

During the inital period when we just got together, everybody was kinda non existent in my life.

I was basically quite satisfied with life because I have a bf I love alot and I thought who love me alot too.

I was losing some friends but to me its okay cus my mentality at that time was, doesn't matter la he's all that matters.

then he went ns. and we had our first big fight.

i was practically devasted, because I realised... what we had wasn't that much of a fairy tale and well, i'm not what he want actually and the love he had for me... wasn't much in fact.

But i didn't had any thoughts of giving up, i tried changing for the better, but i guessed... it wasnt enough and my grip on him and the relationship is not loosening.

then, we had the second big fight.

that was.. horrible. my feelings were like, roller coaster. up and down, anger sadness emptiness forced acceptance.

and like, i knew certain truths that.. I still can't ignore now. I guess that hurt that come alongside with the truth will always be etched inside me, it's like a thorn.

the thorn is inside me now, it hurts so much initially, i wished to remove it so bad like if i have a choice i will just kill myself to relieve myself of it if its possible but it isnt, because its what happened. its a fact. A FACT THAT cant be changed anymore.

the thing is... the thorn is numbing me now. I dont really feel anything. I wished that I can relieve the joy i once had with him, the simple joy of looking forward to his call, text, meeting him.

I wish I can smile to myself secretly like an idiot when I think of him like I used to.

I wish I can just stare at his texts and the happy feeling will just seep through my body.

I did tried. and in fact, im trying now to find back that feeling.

But at the same time... I'm so tired...

I'm so tired of trying to figure him out, figure out what he want, figure out how he feel actually.

I'm getting drained out mentally slowly, but im too weak to let go.

because my feelings havent fade totally for him, i cant let go.

I miss the past him alot... I guess thats why im holding on still?

I miss you so much really, but the current you is... hais.

I wish I know what to do...

actually

2011-09-04T22:04:00.000+08:00

MY FEELINGS ARE A BIG MESS NOW.

IDK WHAT I WANT.

HOW.

PARENTAL GUIDANCE M18

2011-09-03T01:25:00.001+08:00

Muahahaha finally!!
I love my p24 babies.
And my xueqian unoriginal!!! Lol!!!
And all the brothers sisters who wished me!

2011-08-29T23:16:00.000+08:00

When

2011-08-29T18:54:00.002+08:00

I say I care, i REALLY care.

from the bottom of my heart, i put 100% of myself into caring for you.

be it you him her they WHOEVER that I already regard as my friend/love,

i will give you my undivided attention and care.

when you need someone, and i say i will be there, i WILL be there.

if we're just normal friends, or I really can't make it down as person, I will be there on the other line/just a text away.

i mean what i say, like the part about being there whenever someone needs me.

I know that if at that moment the someone is already feeling down/fucked up, but i'm not the root of the problem so me being there isnt like really that relevant because i cant help to solve the problem BUT.

I can be there to offer you my listening ear and concern!

However, different people got different thinking.

So I dont expect the same treatment from people, because being there should come from the heart and not some form of forced obligation.

So if you feel forced to be there for me,

please stop saying you'll be there when I need you.

be there my ass.

happy+sad

2011-08-29T16:30:00.002+08:00

early in the morning, i received texts from chooncheong and co.

IDK LA THEY REALLY CAN MAKE ME HAPPY LIKE NOTHING.

IM GONNA MEET UP WITH THEM THIS FRIDAY AND THEY GONNA HELP ME CELE MY BIRTHDAY HOHOHO OMG KINDAAAA BUAY PAISEH LIKE I FEEL THAT IM INDIRECTLY ASKING FOR ONE SINCE THEY WNA MEET UP ON MY BIRTHDAY ITSELF BUT THING IS THEY OWNSELF WANT TO HELP ME CELEBRATE ONE SOOOOO.. like what they say, MEET UP LOH!

miss them so much <3 <3 <3

then im feeling sad.

like, i dont know how to describe.

like what tumblr say,

Relationships aren’t ever made to last, unless you try to make them last. But eventually why do you keep trying when someone else isn’t? Maybe it’s best to just leave, it’s better off that way. Because the longer you stay the harder it gets. Becuase the situtation you’re in right now, well there’s no way out unless you leave now. I know you may say that you can’t leave them, or say that because you love them. To tell the truth, the day you leave is the day you are free again, free from worries, free to be yourself and do whatever you want once again. To be happy once again. Remember that, no matter what that there always someone out there who can treat you better.

you know right, i really DONT WANT anything to happen to us. from the bottom of my heart, i really want to LAST. ):

So, what do you want?

2011-08-28T23:13:00.001+08:00

Tell me.
Because im really sick and tired of your attitude.

WALAO EH

2011-08-28T01:45:00.001+08:00

Walao eh!!!!
That CHRIS L IS OBVIOUSLY STANLEY LIM SHANG SHI LOR OMG THEN ITS LIKE I THOT WAH SO QIAO SIA I DAMNNNNN HAPPY CUS CAN TALK TO HIM ONCE AGAIN ALTHO HE USED TO BE A PEST SO ITS LIKE WHEN HE ADDED ME I MAD EXCITED AND TAKE INITATIVE TALK TO HIM!
First time i took initative asked him, and guess what!?
HE DELETED ME I THINK LIKE WTF!!!!
same as stupid freeeeedddddiiiieee first time i add people thn kena rejected.
PISSED TTM.

Ridiculous MUCH!

2011-08-28T00:41:00.001+08:00

Stupid sia. Why you so easily angry!
I owe you one is it, from last time until now keep easily angry
Arrrrgggghhhhhhhhhh!!!

I understand already...

2011-08-17T16:48:00.002+08:00

Why its so hard for people to actually let go.

If say the person you love doesnt give a single shit about you, its possible to just let go, cry a few days, mope around for a few months, and move on.

But if the person you love still loves you, how to actually let go like this? It's not possible.

Yet, it really hurts when you know that he doesnt love you as much as you loves him.

But you can never let go on your own.

2011-08-15T00:24:00.000+08:00

i want to gao ding my fucked up fringe.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

WALAO EH JACKASS

2011-08-12T23:40:00.001+08:00

THIS IS THE SONG YOU TALKING ABOUT!

只能想念你!

lmao. VERY DIFFERENT FROM XING FU DE AI. OKAY!?!?!

tsk.

THIS

2011-08-11T21:58:00.002+08:00

Relationships fall and whither because eventually someone stops trying and it doesn’t feel the same. The first couple of months or even years it may be the best thing you ever wished for, but eventually someone loses feelings, gets to busy, or doesn’t even bother to try. You know what? Because they’re comfortable. The beginning is all about the chase. Can you keep up? If you can then you’ll get the hang of it and then you won’t want to try anymore. You aren’t afraid to lose them because they’re yours. Arguing leads to fighting and it just gets worse from there. It all flashes by so fast. So, cherish what you have.

2011-08-11T13:32:00.002+08:00

i AM getting more and more and more paranoid.

idk whats wrong already ah.

i have no actual idea what im so stressed about but I AM VERY VERY STRESSED.

sian. getting more and more annoyed by people around me.

argh SIAN SIAN SIAN!

who says!

2011-08-11T00:45:00.000+08:00

NO MORE NATO IF I WANT TO PROVE U WRONG

2011-08-09T23:56:00.002+08:00

yes. words are bullshit unless supported by true actions.

You know what, I wont argue anymore. I WILL PROVE IT THROUGH ACTIONS!

YES! SHIRLENE TAN JIAYOU!

i feel useless.

2011-08-09T23:27:00.002+08:00

im fucking, fucking stressed.

What can I do, to feel my self worth again?

Are all quarrels caused by me?

Am I, seriously the root of all problems?

If I am, I'm really VERY VERY sorry.

I'm sorry I'm not good enough for everyone,

so you can all just put the blame on me. I will not say anymore.

2011-08-09T12:58:00.002+08:00

hypophrenia: a feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause.
drapetomania: an overwhelming urge to runaway.
dysania: the state of finding it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.
sanctuary: a small safe place in a troubling world.
metathesiophobia: fear of change

RELEVANT WORDS. ):

-

2011-08-09T01:15:00.001+08:00

I've become somebody who hardly reply texts/vvvvvv lag reply/forget reply/dontwant reply.
Feel sooooo guilty. But i dont think i can ever improve.
So to everyone, SORRY IN ADVANCE!!!
And to people who consider themselves my 'friends', if you choose to push me out of your life, so be it. Dont ever come back for me.
If you feel like stop talking to me today, okay. That will be the end of us talking.
Dont come back to me.
V simple logic.

2011-08-06T21:21:00.002+08:00

im feeling very sian.

not bored sian.

but sian sian.

idk la i feel like shit sia. reason that probably explains this unexpected feeling is that my period is coming. like honestly coming because im feeling the shitty cramps which means THEY WILL BE HERE LIKE TMR makes me even more shitty!

ARGH.

i have no fucking mood for anything now sia.

sian no mood for chalet. no mood to shop. no mood to find job. no mood to study. no mood to exam. no mood to date. no mood to meet friends. no mood to give tuition. NO MOOD FOR ANYTHING!

and people i know around me are breaking up.

some tumblr people that i followed/follow me that i used to thought were very happy with their other half are breaking up.

WHY. WHY IS RELATIONSHIP SUCH A BOTHER.

idk what to think of relationships anymore.

WHY MUST PEOPLE CHANGE.

WHY MUST THINGS CHANGE.

WHY WHY WHY WHY.

I always thought that im quite a positive girl.

like i really believe in things and all.

but now, my faith is fading.

I DONT FEEL SECURE ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE AND I DONT FEEL HAPPY ANYMORE I JUST FEEL EMPTY OR MAYBE JUST NORMAL.

whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

i dont want to change into somebody who's empty most of the time because i will miss out on life!

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. rubbish post again.

看开

2011-08-04T23:22:00.001+08:00

People change.
Its kinda a sad fact that, we just dont have that affinity with some people..
And the so called 'bond' we thought we had, its actually nothing..
So true eh the saying 'people come and go'!

2011-08-04T12:33:00.002+08:00

im v speckless now..

sorry im such a coward by nature.

but i think,

im gna say bye to you now.

NOT PISSED ANYMORE

2011-08-03T12:29:00.003+08:00

LOL i think i having pmsssssssssssssssss.

but seriously im vvvvvvvvvvvv happy now.

because i passed that virginia module!! the crisis intervention one that I KNEW i will fail.

LOL because before that i was w my yl and i refused to study while eating.

and we saw mh so mh joined us and i still refused to study.

and they were smoking i was sitting there waiting for fy but i still refused to study.

AND I LEFT AFTER 45 MINS when the paper is around 3 hours.

and i passed.

THANK GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actually, i am still pissed.

2011-08-03T11:50:00.002+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH MAN IDK WHY AM I STILL PISSED!!! -.-

BUT UNFORTUNATELY I STILL AM ITS LIKE THE FIRE NEVER SUBSIDES MUCH SINCE LAST NIGHT.

I REALLY DAMN PETTY MAN I FEEL BUT I JUST CANT REVERT BACK TO NOT-PISSED MODE I BU ZHI DAO WHY MAN!

WAS COMPLAINING TO HIRO WEEEEEEEEEEE AH WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE ABT KH AND I TOLD HIM I KNOW IM PETTY BUT I HONESTLY DONT FEEL LIKE GIVING IN UNTIL KH REALISES HIS MISTAKES LOL.

THEN THAT KH ALSO ONE KIND, HE NOT EXACTLY SPAM LA BUT JUST LIKE SAY AYE JUST REPLY ME LEH DONT MAKE ME WORRY ALL THEN I WAS THINKING HES SICK SO I BETTER JUST REPLY HIM BECAUSE A SICK MAN IS AN IRRITABLE MAN.

SO I REPLIED THEN LIKE IDK I FEEL LIKE IM GIVING IN!!! THEN LIKE IDK LAH!

I THINK HE THINKS THINGS ARE FINE WHEN ITS NOT!!!

SERIOUSLY I THINK IM THINKING FARRRRRRRRRR TOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHHHH AND HOLDING UNNECESSARY GRUDGES AND BECAUSE OF THIS KH I NEVER REPLY ANYBODY MSG TILL NOW SIA I MUST REPLY BBY LER CANNOT CANNOT.

OMG I JUST BLOG SOMETHING SO FULL OF GIBBERISH THAT IM REALLY SURPRISED BECAUSE I DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT IM TRYING TO EXPRESS!

WHATS THE POINT OF THIS POST?

to claim that im still pissed i guess.

RANT.

2011-08-02T23:43:00.002+08:00

im kinda angry and fed up idk why...

BUT TODAY IS REALLY A PISS-ME-OFF day.

like seriously IM VERY VERY PISSED OFF!!!

NEARLY QUARRELLED WITH JACKASS (:P) MANNNNNNN BUT I CONTROLLED BECAUSE NOT HIS FAULT LA BUT I KEEP ACCUSE HIM SAY WHAT HE TEXTING OTHER GIRLS IS IT.

AT THAT MOMENT I MAY SOUND CASUAL LIKE JUST NORM QUESTIONING BUT SERIOUSLY I WAS FUMING WITH ANGER.

VVVVVV UNREASONABLE BUT ANYWAY I WAS SO MAD THAT WHEN I BOARD THE BUS I JUST THROW THE COIN INTO THE COIN BOX, AND I WAS TALKING DAMN LOUDLY LIKE IM SO CHAO AH LIAN TRYING TO FIGHT W MY BF.

JUST BECAUSE I WAS PARTIALLY CONVINCED HE WAS TEXTING OTHER GIRLS BUT HE SAID HE WASNT BUT OH WELL WHO KNOWS MAN SCARLY REALLY IS?! THAT SHIMIN?! K LA DK LA. THINK ALREADY MORE PISSED CANNOT THINK BECAUSE FROM NOTHING MY CAPABLE MIND CAN THINK OF SOMETHING!

THEN JUST NOW I WAS QUITE MAD @ KH ALSO ITS LIKE HE NEVER REPLY MY TEXT NVM HE MSN ME I WAS LIKE THINKING YOU NO TIME REPLY TEXT YOU GOT TIME MSN?

WHY I SO PISSED? BECAUSE I DONT LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE THINK THAT BY REPLY MSN MEANS REPLY TEXT!

REPLY TEXT MEANS TEXT NO MATTER IMPT OR NOT IMPT ITS COURTESY!

ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES I MAY FORGET OR LATE REPLY BUT I WONT ACT LIKE NTH WHEN I REALLY REPLY A TEXT VIA MSN!

I WILL SAY SORRY AH THEN REPLY THROUGH MSN!

SO I WAS PISSED SO I WENT OFFLINE BECAUSE I DONT FEEL LIKE TALKING TO HIM.

AND I WANTED TO CONTACT NGYUJUN SO I HAD TO GO ONLINE, AGAIN.

SHES NOT ONLINE BUT KH TALKED TO ME AGAIN AND I WAS LIKE PISSED LA STILL.

SO I WAS LIKE K. BYE. NTH. BYE. NO.

AND HE WAS LIKE KK BYE. THEN I WAS ALREADY PISSED AT HIM BUT NORMALLY HE WILL SAY AYE TEXT ME! OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. BUT HE DIDNT HE JUST BYE.

IM NOT PISSED BECAUSE HE DIDNT SAY AYE TEXT ME. IM JUST PISSED THAT HE THINK HE CAN JUST AHDBABDUHABDUA OVER AND NOT LIKE TALK PROPERLY.

SOMEMORE HE SAY IM FOREVER LIKE THAT.

YOU KNOW ME HOW LONG!!! FOREVER ALREADY MEH! UGH!!!

IDK LA JUST VVVVVVVVVV PISSED OFF LA AND WHY IM SO PISSED OFF FROM THE START IS BECAUSE!!!!!!!!!

OF THE STUPID CLASS LA.

LIKE REALLY EH. JUST BECAUSE IM YOUNG, VIBRANT, NOISY AND HAVING FUN ALWAYS DOESNT MEAN THAT I SHOULD BE LOOKED DOWN UPON RIGHT.

OKAY MAYBE THEY NEVER LA BUT LIKE THOSE LOOKS THEY GIVE ME AND FY AT TIMES MAKE ME WNA GO UP TO THEM AND GIVE THEM MANY FUCKING SLAPS ON THEIR SAGGY WRINKLED FACE!!!!!!!!!

WE ARE YOUNG SO WE DESERVED TO ACT YOUNG!!!

AND ALSO THE WAY THAT NORA LAUGHED AT SUZY!!!!!

SUZY IS MY FRIEND! ALTHOUGH I ALSO LAUGHED RIGHT, DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN LAUGH!

LIKE WHAT I ALWAYS SAY WITH YUJUN,

OCT IS OUR GOOD FRIEND. ONLY WE CAN BULLY HER BUT IF PEOPLE BULLY HER WE GNA MAKE SURE THEY DIE!!!!

SAME THEORY APPLIES!!! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO MOCK SUZY!!!!

GRRH!!!!!!!!!!!!

k. feeling much better!!!

goodnites!

2011-07-31T20:13:00.001+08:00

CUTE.
VERY. VERY. VERY. CUTE.

I WANT MY VERY OWN LIL QT!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH V CUTE MY NIGHT IS COMPLETED.

I WANT THIS LIL QT MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

beri nice song!!!

2011-07-30T22:38:00.002+08:00

but its a beri sad song. ):
always come out whn the yusuqiu got love probs!! or when the guanjiagong got problems!! sad sad sad. make me sad. ):

2011-07-29T14:28:00.002+08:00

beri lethargic.

gna stop talking to hong until wee hours man.

stupid ass asked me to give him morning call for school and i gave, HE DIDNT WAKE UP BUT I DID. grrh.

i MUST MUST MUST get a job soon.

damn sian man.

AHHHHHHHHH.

2011-07-28T14:30:00.002+08:00

im looking forward to class class class~

hahahaha. because beri beri fun with joanne.

I realised her humour is similar to mine we laugh about damn stupid things and we get soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo excited over those stupid things.

BERI GOOD.

BERI FUN.

but now hor, xnic like getting close back to wee eannnnnnnnnnnnn

OH WELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, NO MORE PROJ LER MAH~

IM SOMEBODY WHO DOESNT REALLY CARE ABOUT LOOKS

2011-07-27T13:31:00.002+08:00

when i fall for somebody.

hehehe.

but must be acceptable at first sight.

heart talk

2011-07-27T00:58:00.002+08:00

i dont like to admit my feelings to people.

but i dont know why nowadays i've been doing that ):

that feeling after admitting, especially when there's no/minimal reaction, sucks to the core sia.

i feel so vulnerable. like i've just pulled out my heart and hand over to them and they just stare at it awhile and dump it away and leave me there to die.

i also dont like it when communication fails.

yes sometimes i may be lag, reply sms late, reply msn late and all and thats cause im busy.

If i really lag max or just ignore, means i dont feel like talking to you.

yes im v picky when it comes to people i want to talk to, high expectations!

but if you are somebody i really want to talk to, i WANT to talk to you.

i want to hold fun and proper conve with you.

and i will be happy when i get to talk to you. If i can, i wish i can hold my phone in my hand and talk to you 24/7, or just meet you up and have long chats with you.

so if communication fails between us.. i'll be very sad. like really, very sad.

and i really dont like it that when im serious, i poured my heart out, people isnt serious abt it.

they think that im joking, but pouring my heart out IS a great deal to me.

its not something fun or funny, its absolutely serious.

so the shit feeling I get after people just disregard whatever i said due to them thinking 'i wasnt serious either', is unbearable!!!

and to care abt my mian zi, i must pretend im joking. WHEN IM NOT.

2011-07-24T23:41:00.001+08:00

happy after a phone call!
fail_girl1993!

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

2011-07-23T22:26:00.005+08:00

when I fall for you, I regard you as 'the one'. I feel that the word 'forever' is possible between us both, even though forever is just a word. It may be possible, it may not, nobody knows.

But because I love you so much, i thought I knew. I thought you knew too.

I thought that 'hey. Maybe this time things really are different and everything is possible.'

We were very happy for a period of time, and it was the honeymoon period. When flaws disappear and in my eyes I only see your good points. I fell deeper and deeper each day but I felt really happy because it's just a really wonderful feeling to feel so strongly towards somebody who care about you the exact same way.

Then came the fights. The misunderstandings. The near breakups. The heartbreaks.

All these made us think twice about the relationship, caused us to see the flaws that we thought disappeared, made you doubt what you felt for me. Whereas for me, im still falling deeper and deeper. but it wasnt a wonderful feeling at that moment, i just feel sucky. I feel that im just falling into a hole with no limit and nobody is there to hold me and that feeling really sucks. I hate myself for it. But i have no choice, because that's just how i feel, unfortunately.

Things seem to be better, but now I really cant be too sure about anything anymore.

No more hopes about the future, no more expectations about forever.

Because who knows one day, something bad may happen again in the most unexpected time? And by then will i be strong enough to feel okay again?

i think im thinking alot.

But will you wake up one day, and realised that you dont love me anymore, and everything was only just a dream?

Who knows? I dont know.

2011-07-23T00:55:00.002+08:00

im currently obsessed with this drama 溏心風暴之家好月圓.

yesssssssssssss like its an old show i think i rmb zhiqi telling me how nice it is and that was when im in sec3. LOL

but still!!! anyway i really hateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the show man because its all about this person talk bad to this person and this person harm another person like forever full of misunderstandings, revenge and all!

I DONT LIKE SHOWS LIKE THIS!

ANYWAY, although life isnt like that like full of hatred and all, those misunderstandings and everything totally reflect like, what we are facing and all!

i despise third parties. and i despise those bitches who go around hooking up with attached guys. and i despise attached guys who still flirt around.

I DESPISE!!!! SO I WILL NEVER DIE DIE DIE ALSO WILL NOT BE A THRID PARTY. OR A FOURTH. OR A FIFTH. OR A WHATEVERTH!!!!!

2011-07-22T01:32:00.003+08:00

back from my first day of work @ cv's banquet!

if you asked me to describe it in two words, it will be BORINGLY FUNNY!

and today like quite a number of tiko seh!! the taxi uncle, the manager.

but funny la the manager like he give me the name tag with the name HONEY.

lmao!! so like the whole day people can only identify me by calling me 'honey!!'

LOL so like the pink hunk maybe he want me to assist him or what then he must call me honey!! LOL think so much.

anyway like he gave yj the tag CHENG MEN hahahahaha, then that joshua meesua ADNAN, and that bryan some long ass weird name.

lmao all of us dont go with our real name lor! so funnai.

but the weird but not funnai thing is, THAT STUPID LAME MANAGER CALL ME BY BEBE!

like what i call my bby sometimes.

yucks!!!

so anyway, the whole night was freaking boring nth much to do. then that lame manager like purposely separate me and yj he claim yj is married to bryan, and im married to joshua so we must stick tgth and blah AND REFUSE TO LET US GO NEAR EACH OTHER!

so bobian must talk cock with that joshua mee sua.

then that cheena boy bryan joined us.

then that dog yj joined us.

SO THE WHOLE NIGHT 3/4 IS SPEND SLACKING AWAY.

FUNNAI!!!!!!!!! but boring.

2011-07-21T01:27:00.002+08:00

actually...

I really wish that we can last long.

No matter how hard I tried to pretend that nothing gets to me anymore,

No matter how hard I tried to convince myself I give no fuck,

No matter how many times I told myself dont keep falling deeper into this thing,

No matter how many times I told myself how many girls you want/ever want I dont really care,

thats just a facade.

I still care, a lot.

I cant pretend that I dont care when you talked about this girl that girl, I cant pretend that by hanging out w this guy that guy I can be so much happier,

I cant pretend that I dont want to care about this relationship anymore ever because i care.

I've never wanted someone as badly as I wanted you and I've never worked so hard for any relationships before.

No matter how much this hurts or how blurry things may appear in the future, I really hope that we can work them out somehow.

Because I believe we can last.

GUYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

2011-07-20T19:25:00.002+08:00

with big eyes are cute!
with short and stylish/mohawk are cute!
who are always smiling are cute!
who can take jokes are cute!
who jokes around are cute!
who laughs at stupid things like people fall down are cute!
who carry their backpack high are cute!
who's always ^^v like that SUPER DUPER CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

a picture of someone i looked up to, day 6!

2011-07-20T16:14:00.001+08:00

thank you for being my best friend <3

2011-07-20T01:35:00.003+08:00

no more afiq jer luh liao leh ):

sooooo saddddd.

scarly its true you know, like what xrowen said.

if i did that thing w bby, mr big eyes will appear.

scarly afiq jer luh is my mr big eyes.

so when i never do that thing, he wont ever appear which explains why he just disappeared!!!

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYSSSSSSSSS IM REALLY EXCITED AND HAIRPEE BECAUSE IM WATCHING THE BEST HK DRAMA OF THE CENTURY!

TEN BROTHERS!!! <3

its honestly, the BEST hk drama I've ever watched and why? BECAUSE I'M WATCHING IT FOR THE FOURTH TIME NOW AND STILL LOVING IT!

i was watching the part where my lao ba discovered his powers which is tunneling and im still as excited as ever hahahahahah COOLEST PART IN THE WHOLE SHOW AND CUTEST GUY IN THE WHOLE SHOW IS MY LAOBA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-07-19T01:44:00.002+08:00

i miss him alot alot sudd ):

he's having outfield now. but omg i hen xiang you man jackson yap my head gna burst!!!!

havent been spending much quality time lately too..

haisssssssssssssssssss.

tmr!!!!!!!!!!!

2011-07-17T11:43:00.002+08:00

just back from outside w bby~

thankyou for cabbing down to my place once I say so,

thankyou for waiting 2 hours plus downstairs my house and kena so many mosquitoes bites,

thankyou for saying all those stuffs,

thankyou for cheering me up,

thankyou for being there.

I love you <3

ARGH ANW MY LEG GOT ALOT OF BLUE BLACK MAN I THINK CUS OF YSTD JURONG SAFRA'S INCIDENT.

fun ttm! but kinda wasted i didnt have the leopard guts to play the longest slide. ):

but oh well~ again again soon!